5 Things Not to Buy for Valentine’s Day

5 Things Not to Buy for Valentine’s Day

1. Stuffed Animals

Remember how the dog accidentally got ahold of the stuffed teddy bear you got your partner last year?? Yeah…that was no accident.  No one wants to be showered in stuffed polyester replicas of gorillas and bears holding satin hearts.  There’s nothing romantic or meaningful about a predator grasping a poor representation of your heart.

2. Flowers 

You can never remember what their favorite flower is.  Every year you *think* it’s daisies and every year you are WRONG.  They are allergic to daisies.  Why can’t you get it right? No one wants a massive bouquet of flowers delivered to their office that they have to painstakingly get home without squishing or spilling anything.  Where did that package of flower food go? Do you put bleach in the water? Why does the cat ALWAYS try to snack on them?

3. Fruit

Don’t even go there.  If it doesn’t spoil after a day, it gets this soggy, syrupy juice under the chocolate coating that makes you instantly regret ever going on a second date with the person who gave them to you.  And don’t even THINK about sending them to their office.  These things are perfectly portioned out into little bite sized pieces on sticks that just beg Gary in the next cubicle to grab one and eat it WHILE asking you if he can have one. You were eyeing that dark chocolate covered pineapple? Too bad because Gary beat you to it.

4. Cellophane Gift Baskets

Enough said.  No one wants that off-brand body soap that smells like stale baby powder.  That’s one bubble bath away from a terrible yeast infection.

5. Desserted Box

….how did a dessert box make this list??

Who doesn’t want their own box of hand-picked desserts?  It’s consumable, so you don’t have to worry about hoarding stuffed junk. Say goodbye to gaudy satin hearts with a hand doodled card. There’s a mixed assortment so you don’t even HAVE to remember what their favorite dessert is! The desserts WON’T spoil within a day and they are protectively nestled in a box so you don’t have to worry about Gary and his sticky fingers. Nothing stale here, no crinkly plastic to wrestle with AND it’s something you can enjoy while taking a bath that won’t make your nether regions burn like the dickens.  Every box sold directly impacts a hungry kid so you can feel good about stuffing your honey love with sugar (and maybe get some sugar in return).